Ten Rules of the Restroom

Categories: Health, Life
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Published on: November 17, 2011

As a person with Ulcerative Colitis, I find myself in the men’s room, both public and private, more than your average bear. As such, I’m more aware of those annoying – and outright disgusting – quirks of men’s room etiquette. The bathroom, the can, the loo, the crapper, the shitter, whatever you want to call it, you need to respect it.

With that being said, I’ve compiled a list of the ten biggest rules that should be permanently engraved in a nice visible plaque on the door and in our minds. I’m sure most of these can relate to the ladies’ room as well, except for the obvious ones (at least I really hope they aren’t an issue…). They are in no particular order as they are all of equal importance.

1. Verbal and audible (i.e. gaming or listening to music) cellphone usage should never occur even near the washroom, let alone directly inside the sacred confines. Not only do I not want to hear your conversation while in deep concentration, but the person you’re conversing with doesn’t want to hear my conversation with the porcelain either.

2. When I really have to, erm, take a load off and sit for a while, I don’t want to wait for you to finish peeing in the stall because you’re too self-conscious about your ‘lil man being, well, ‘lil. We have urinals for a reason, gentlemen, grow a set, keep your eyes forward, and there won’t be any embarrassment.

3. If you ignore the second clause by choice or necessity, at least take the courtesy to lift the seat. I don’t want to sit in a puddle of your piss, just as I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate me peeing all over your toilet (and often surrounding area) in your own home. If you do have an aiming incident, use the toilet paper provided to rectify the situation.

4. Whether it’s a urinal or the stall, please flush. At the very least I don’t want to take a wee and get potential splash back from your leftover dribble, and should it be a number two, I simply just don’t want to look at, or smell, what you had to eat in the past twenty four hours.

5. Don’t whistle, hum, tap your toes, and especially do not talk. The men’s room is not a social arena, nor do we as men have the bathroom pack mentality. Give a polite nod and maybe a soft-spoken “hey,” but leave it at the politeness. If you see a buddy in a chance encounter of that nature, chances are you can arrange a more suitable meeting elsewhere. This somewhat ties in with the first point as well.

6. This is more or less a message to proprietors of public restrooms. When it comes to the design and construction of these public facilities, put on a door. I don’t want all of Wal-Mart to know I have explosive diarrhea because I had a bad fish taco, nor does the little old lady in the checkout want to know either.

7. If the stall door is closed, there’s a substantially large chance someone is behind the door in a venerable state. If you’re unsure – perhaps you can’t see a pair of feet with pants obscuring the footwear – then make a light courtesy knock. Don’t try and force the door open, and especially don’t keep trying. A friend of mine had this happen to him where not only did the culprit attempt to barge in, but continued after a nervous “um, somebody’s in here.” Not only that, but the culprit actually gained entry, saw my poor buddy doing his business, and left leaving the door wide open! Talk about being caught with your pants around your ankles.

8. Not everybody washes their hands after every facility use, but for the sake of easing people’s minds, do it in the public restrooms. At the least you can get rid of any picked up germs and/or fecal matter from third parties, but on top of that I won’t be apprehensive to have physical contact with you later.

9. If your nostrils have some excess baggage, don’t pick your nose and wipe it all over the walls. I work in an industrial plant, and this is a sadly common occurrence. You have toilet paper literally inches away from you and a disposal system under your ass. Use the tools provided, you effing sloth of a hillbilly.

10. I don’t care that AC/DC rocks, that Kyle is gay, or much care for your dirty limerick with poor spelling. Graffiti is in literally every public washroom I can ever remember, and once you scratch “you’re a fag” into metal with your car keys, it’s there pretty much for good. If you’re yearning for an outlet for your thoughts, then you better start a blog or keep a diary, because we don’t want to hear it, nor does Joe the Janitor want to scrub it out daily.

There are many things that simply shouldn’t be done in the temple of bodily functions, too many to ever mention. But before you piss on a toilet seat, wipe your booger on the wall, scroll with a sharpie or your keys that your buddy’s mom has a nice rack, or have a boisterous conversation with an acquaintance, just imagine it being done in your own bathroom when you’re taking a momentary escape. As human beings, shouldn’t we respect one another? Is that just too much for some?

Renewed Effort

Categories: Site Updates
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Published on: May 9, 2011

Renewed EffortsIt’s Been… Quite some time since I’ve contributed to the well-being of my own little domain here, but I can assure you it’s all been done with nothing but the best intentions.

Perhaps most notably, I’ve become a father to the now eight-month old little girl. She has cometely transformed my life and has made me a better person, healthier, and far less nerdy. No more videogames (except Close Combat games, Hearts of Iron games, and the occasional Barbie Play House 2.0), no more television injections, and so forth. My darling fiancée and I have moved out of cramped apartments and into a three bedroom bungalow and are growing closer everyday. So my neglect really isn’t neglect at all really. It’s just living and loving life is all.

Which brings me to my initial hints of writing and publishing more. My new career brings me far from the nice office and intellectual (for the most part) aspects of work. I’m currently now, and for a decent pension and early retirement will continue to be, a machine operator for Michelin North America. The CA3 Michelin facility manufactures military, agricultural, industrial, and tractor-trailer tires — Including the revolutionary X-One dual tire replacement. My job entails exceedingly high temperatures, heavy lifting of hot materials, fast-paced efforts, and often sitting in a comfortable chair for long durations. So what better way to spend my work time than doing what I’ve enjoyed since the days of gradeschool — and that is write.

With this in mind, I will make a conscious effort to write at least once on at least a bi-weekly basis. With the way Canada is headed, there will be many things that need to be brought to the light, and my duty to dig for them.

Successful hills are here to stay.

An American Legend; Hopper Dead at 74

Categories: Media
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Published on: May 30, 2010

An American LegendFew actors in film can say they’ve worked with the likes of six decades worth of stars ranging from James Dean, John Wayne, Marlon Brando, Peter Fonda, right up to Keanu Reeves and Kelsey Grammar. Dennis Hopper was one of those few. A true American legend of film has passed away yesterday due to complications from prostate cancer at his home in Los Angeles surrounded by his loved ones.

Dennis Hopper has an explosive but rocky start to his career. Hopper started in the mid-50s doing bit roles on television until his first major film role had him opposite of the All-American actor himself James Dean (whom Hopper was an immense fan of) in Rebel Without a Cause in 1955 and again in Giant in 1956. After James Dean’s fateful accident and death later in 1956, Hopper’s reputation as a “loose cannon” become apparent when he clashed with director Henry Hathaway on the set of From Hell to Texas when Hopper effectively refused to take directorial instructions from Hathaway for roughly 80 takes over several days. From this point on, Hopper’s career seemed almost doomed.

After studying under Lee Strasberg at the infamous Actor’s Studio in New York, Hopper caught a break when his (then) mother-in-law helped get him work with her close friend John Wayne. Hopper is known to have accredited the famous cowboy actor with saving his career with his roles in The Sons of Katie Elder and True Grit which launched Hopper back into the spotlight. During this time, Hopper also got a supporting role in Cool Hand Luke as well opposite Paul Newmann.

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Myth or Reality? The Omajinaakoos

Myth or Reality?We’ve all heard of Big Foot, the Loch Ness Monster, and other creatures of myth from around the world. But what about the Omajinaakoos? Translated, the word means “The Ugly One” and comes from the Northern most reaches of Ontario. The little monster is believed to be a bringer of bad omens when seen, which according to the locals of Kitchenuhmaykoosib Inninuwug hasn’t been for no less than fifty years. Fifty years until earlier this month when a pair of outdoor tourists found a rodent-like creature floating face down in the local waterways (pictured left).

The little fella has been described as “part beaver/part river otter” and does display many similarities between a variety of semi-aquatic rodenesq creatures of Ontario. Similar to, but not exactly replicating, that is. Most of the locals, who still live largely off of the fruits of the land and water (as it is a very highly isolated region) and are familiar with all the forest has to offer, believe it to be “The Ugly One.” Skeptics in the media and in homes alike aren’t exactly convinced.

When the animal was discovered, it was discovered floating face down in the water with its paws in the water as well. The images below (click “Read the rest of this entry,” but be warned they are somewhat graphic) of the animal show that the areas covered by water are completely bald. This is where much of the skepticism comes in as once an animal carcass has been in the water for a while, the fur becomes loose and simply falls out. Others, however, beleive that the little animal should have decomposed far more by the point that it would be bald.

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If Patience is a Virtue…

If Patience is a Virtue...Then what is being inpatient? I’ve been eagerly awaiting today, March 23, as the expanded Beta for TaleWorld‘s Mount & Blade: Warband is being released for those who have pre-ordered the game. A few pre-order sites are offering this expanded beta, the expanded part including the single player aspect of the game (whereas the open beta had only the 0nline aspect), and as with all releases of everything in the history of gaming, people must complain.

In case you don’t know what Mount & Blade: Warband (simply Warband from hereon out) is, it’s the stand-alone expansion to the cult favourite game Mount & Blade, a completely open RPG/Medieval Combat game that, for history buffs and combat fans, doesn’t include any sort of magic, potions, or anything of that nature. It’s just melee and archery combat on a beautiful scale. What the game lacks graphically (as it’s an independently developed title from Turkey) it more than makes up for in awesomeness. Warband expands on the single player aspect with new weapons, armour, and features while adding the much anticipated multiplayer modes with enhanced (but still “dated” in most eyes) graphics. Recurring visitors may remember my Mount & Blade review that gives pretty strong accolades for the game.

When I do online pre-orders, I do so with IGN’s Direct2Drive now since Steam gives so much hassle when it comes to games not specifically designed for the platform. The alternative to D2D is Gamers Gate, the official mirror for Paradox Interactive (the publisher of the game), a small distribution company specializing in Paradox and independent titles. It’s a decent service, but my own experience is that when a popular title is released the servers either slow down incredibly or go down completely where IGN has the backing to ensure stable speeds and reliability.

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In All Thy [GENDER NEUTRAL] Command

Categories: Politics
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Published on: March 8, 2010

In All Thy [GENDER NEUTRAL] CommandOnce again I’ve been caught up in the rat race that is life and neglected The Parade. It’s all with good reason mind you as these last few months have been quite the ride. The high-and-low of it all is that I am now engaged with a child on the way and have started a new job at Future Shop (Best Buy Canada) in New Minas, Nova Scotia. With all of that it’s been a little more difficult to find the time to put into ranting and musing online, but with my schedule ironing itself out a little more it seems I have some more time to get back to what I do best.

What brings me to the counter today is political correctness and how incorrect it actually is. There have been some rumblings over O’Canada since the 2010 Vancouver Olympics that have reached all the way to parliament. “True patriot love in all thy sons command” is a line in our anthem and has been since 1908 when poet Stephen Weir wrote the poem to coincide with the 1880 composure by Calixa Lavallée. Now it appears that some find “thy sons command” to be sexist and are demanding change to something more “gender-neutral.” Perhaps they should change “true patriot love” as well since altering our national anthem doesn’t seem overtly patriotic to me.

The anthem was already changed by having a few lines added due to decisions by a joint-committee of MPs and senators in 1968 (adding “from far and wide” and “God keep our land glorious and free”) and is now in the crosshairs again. However, being a sensitive issue, politicians aren’t directly confronting the proposal directly and are in fact using the proposals as attacks on other political parties (naturally). “Anything that makes a national anthem more gender-sensitive is a good thing,” [Liberal leader] Michael Ignatieff told CBC News. “But, I mean, no disrespect to those who feel strongly on this issue, but, for heaven’s sake, we have some very important challenges and every time the government is asked to do something real, it does something symbolic.”

Have we come to a point in our culture where certain individuals are offended by our national anthem? If those people are offended by “all thy sons command, then they should probably start lobbying to change “mailman” and “manhole cover” to more gender-neutral phrases as well. Where does it end though? Will we have to go back in our history books and change “one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?” I wouldn’t be surprised in the least bit if that did become a valid argument within the next twenty years. Thank God Buzz Aldrin will have died of old age by then.

I’m a patriotic and law-abiding Canadian citizen and plan on being one until I pass on to the other side. But every time ridiculous lobby groups get just a little more of a foothold into our government, my patriotism goes down a notch… And I’m starting to run out of notches on my patriotism belt. So to all Members of Parliament, to Prime Minister Stephen Harper (of whom I could say some pretty negative stuff on), to all Canadians men and women alike… Please respect tradition and accept the fact that just because a word or phrase has “man” or “son” or any other masculine word in it that the English language and/or Canadian culture aren’t being sexist. If you’re that offended that easily though, chances are my plea is for nothing and you’ll start calling offense to my opinion on the matter. That’s just the way it goes.

Sweet Emotions…?

Categories: Music
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Published on: November 21, 2009

Sweet EmotionsI’ve been an Aerosmith fan as long as I can remember. The 70′s just wouldn’t have been the same without Aerosmith, one of the most successful and long-lasting Rock bands in history. But sometimes fame, money, and egos can ruin the most beautiful art form of all and leave five talented musicians bickering at each other as if they were in a 10th grade highschool band fighting over who the band leader is.

If you don’t follow music news you may not have heard of the constant state of drama that Aerosmith has been in. 2009 was set to be a busy year for the rock super-Gods with a new album in the works and an as-usual heavy touring schedule, but as the year wore on so did the tensions between the band, specifically speaking frontman Steven Tyler and guitarist Joe Perry. On the surface, everything seemed fine up until an unfortunate accident in August of 2009. During the Sturgis motorcycle rally, Steven Tyler took an unfortunate fall during “Love in an Elevator” while he was dancing mid-song on a catwalk. The stage was reportedly still wet from rains earlier. This was the last time the band was seen together performing (except for one instance which you’ll see later in the article) as the rest of the tour, including all Canadian dates, had to be canceled due to Tyler’s injuries (a broken shoulder, stitches to the head, and other fall-related injuries).

Roughly a month later, Perry began to publicly express his frustrations with the tour cancellation and about his long-time band mate. In an interview with Perry, he stated that “he [Steven Tyler] and I haven’t written a song together alone in the same room in over 10 years, so there’s been some changes in paradigm of what Aerosmith is. It would appear as though there have been issues in the recording studio as well as Perry then added “The bottom line is that every hole that Aerosmith left, I filled.

As time went on, the distance between the two only grew. By the end of September, the two still hadn’t talked at all or had any contact whatsoever. Rumours began to fly that the band was breaking up, but Perry stayed adamant that the band wouldn’t be split and that they would continue as long as they could. The rumours, however, would not go away, yet Perry continued to publicly state that the band has been through many ups and downs and would not disband.

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Chris McCandless – A Reflection

The Magic BusMost of us live our lives tightly woven in the embrace of modern society. There are people like me who do manage to get away a few weeks in the year to the wilderness and throw off the shackles of technology and the conveniences of indoor plumbing and soft memory-foam beds, but even I am guilty of punching the clock and watching the world go by. Chris McCandless was an idealistic young man who shook off his shackles for good and set out to find himself and ultimately meet his end in the place he held so high.

Many of you will have probably read the Jon Krakauer book or seen the Sean Penn docu-drama film “Into The Wild” and know the general basis for this article while some of you may be reading about this for the first time. This amazing story (the film being based on the book) chronicles Chris McCandless from his comfortable suburban life and University education and follows his travels across America. Having given all of his money to charity, abandoning his 1970s Datsun B210 after it (and nearly he) was washed away in a flash flood, he set forth to his ultimate destination of Alaska. It was his ambition to live a period of solitude in the Alaskan countryside before returning to his life in society. Chris had no survival experience, very little money, and no means to get there. But that wouldn’t stop him.

Chris, renaming himself to Alexander Supertramp (a direct reference to the 1908 book The Autobiography of a Super-Tramp by William H. Davies), would make his way on foot to the far North. Along his way he would take any opportunity for exploration that he would encounter, almost always going into dangerous situations (such as canoing down the Colorado River into the Gulf of California) with very little preparation, experience, and equipment. For a time he worked in South Dakota in a grain mill where he began to prepare for his final destination and acquiring hunting and meat preservation tips from local hunters and friends. Having prepared, at least in his eyes, for his “Alaskan Odyssey,” he set for Fairbanks, Alaska where he bought a Remington Semi-Automatic .22LR (with 400 rounds), some very basic camping supplies (such as a sleeping bag, cooking pot, etc.), and a book on the local Alaskan flora and fauna.

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Conspiracy Theorists Require Reality Check

Conspiracy Theorists Require Reality Check Let me start this out by saying that I think everything coming from anyone should be questioned. Not because every story from the government is some kind of cover-up or because Jesus really did have kids, but because everything needs to be investigated fully so that we can understand things fully. With that being said, the so called “conspiracy theorists,” or as they themselves prefer, “truthers,” need to understand one simple fact. Not everything under the blue sky is a damn conspiracy, and if you were wrong, man up and admit it.

The eight anniversary of the September 11 attacks passed yesterday, and it’s a day that should always be remembered and honoured. With any large scale event not caused directly by nature, people will question it and develop theories, some more believable than others. Television isn’t one to pass up on something that’s close to people’s hearts and gladly ran a two hour 9/11 conspiracy special. Naturally I watched it, I always love to see what people are saying about things like this, JFK, the moon landings, or whatever, and I can honestly say I was disgusted with these so called truthers.

The special (aired on the Discovery Channel and History Television in Canada) sat down with several truthers as an expert panel and sought to quell some of their notions about that day. Like I said, things should be questioned, and I for one believe that there was more to the 9/11 attacks then is public knowledge, and I’ll address this later, but questions do receive answers. It became painfully obvious to me that dedicated truthers don’t care about answers, or even science for that matter. Several topics that were raised by people who think there was more to it all were addressed by experts in the matter. For example, there are many who believe that both of the twin towers were brought down by controlled explosives, there are even a handful of witness reports stating that they heard a series of  loud “cracks” before the towers collapsed, and this coupled with the rather neat way they fell into their own footprint is what brought the topic up to begin with. I’ll admit, it’s a strong argument, especially with the fact that both towers fell in a similar way (into their own footprint as opposed to falling sideways or partially collapsing).

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Gold Star Restaurant Doesn’t Receive Namesake

Categories: Life
Comments: 2 Comments
Published on: September 6, 2009

Goldstar Restaurant Doesn't Receive NamesakeUsually I’ll take every new restaurant I try with a grain of salt (yes, the pun was intentional), but there’s only so far my taste buds and my patience can be pushed. Today my darling Gillian and I went out for a nice Sunday lunch at a place we haven’t tried before. We drove toward Coldbrook, Nova Scotia to try out one of the numerous restaurants we pass by when we drive toward the Coldbrook Drive-in Theatre and decided to stop off at The Gold Star Chinese & Canadian restaurant. We’re both huge fans of Chinese food and can never pass up a buffet. This place didn’t offer a buffet, but like I mentioned we were looking to try something different.

From the outside, The Gold Star has a rustic small-town kind of feel to it, something we both look for and enjoy. This wasn’t on purpose as when we walked inside, it’s as though we walked into 1977. But I’m not so superficial that I won’t eat at a restaurant because it hasn’t been renovated since it was built, but the immediate vibe I felt wasn’t a good one. Still, it’s only the look, so it doesn’t really matter that there was wooden “mack tack” (plastic sticky sheeting) everywhere and the bright red seats were held together by duct tape.

The waitress was the first issue. When a restaurant of any caliber has daily specials, the best way to let the customer know about them isn’t “the specials are in the menu.” That doesn’t sound very special to me, don’t you think? When she did take our orders, she did bring our Pepsi in only a minute or two. The Pepsi, straight from the can, came with one straw… We ordered two, but only one straw. I don’t drink with the straw anyway, but it’s not really her place to assume I don’t.

At every Chinese restaurant I’ve eaten at in my entire life, it’s never taken more than ten minutes for our food to arrive. After the first ten minutes of waiting, I received my egg roll as an appetizer and Gillian received her store-bought bread roll. The egg roll was older than myself, hard as a rock with one bite worth of cabbage on the inside with enough beef to take up the space that the end of my pinky finger does. We proceeded to wait another fifteen minutes as two other tables who came in long after we did got their food, one gentleman who came in five or seven minutes after we did ordered, ate, paid, and left before we got our “main course.”

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